Breaking the Rules of Dating

As a matchmaker, dating and relationship expert, I speak with thousands of singles that are looking to meet the love of their lives. Most people tell me they know exactly what they’re looking for in a life partner, but the truth of the matter is, most people have no clue what it is they really want. The most common responses from singles about what they are looking for in a partner are, “They have to have a great sense of humor, they have to have strong core values and come from a good family, they have to be active and adventurous…” These qualities are all basic generalizations that the majority of the singles population list about themselves on their online dating profiles. These are not unique personalized qualities that create a true sense of individuality about one’s self. How many online profiles do you have to scroll through or how many people do you have to meet at a bar before you would consider going on a date with them? How many dates do you actually have to go on with someone before you really know if you potentially met Mr. or Ms. Right? Most singles I interview say they would know after just one date because of all of the time and energy that was spent before they actually agreed to go out with someone. If this is true, then why are so many great first dates, last dates? If you are finally at a place in your life where you’re tired of dating and are ready to meet the love of your life, then that means you are going to have to start dating smarter, not harder. This also means that you may have to start challenging yourself to create new dating rules, instead of doing what everyone else is doing. In other words, if the standard dating rules that currently exist really work, then why are so many people still single?

For starters, I believe that many of today’s singles are relying too much on technology and chemistry as the driving force behind who they consider dating. Online personality tests, computerized compatibility algorithms combined with a great online photo and profile is the best way to ensure you will meet your life’s true love, right? With so many people using technology and chemistry as the driving force behind meeting someone, I can’t help but wonder how our parents did it, or their parent’s parents for that matter? Before technology allowed us to become lazy daters, there was a time when people used a genuine sense of getting to know someone before they even considered going on an actual date. There was a time when expectations were more realistic and people would date for months for the purpose of really getting to know each other, before they ended the dating process, rarely was it just one date. Why have we become so focused on looking for reasons why we shouldn’t date someone, rather than focusing on what we really like about the person we are meeting? How many people are you not meeting or giving a chance to because you don’t like their photo, something they wrote on a profile or just didn’t like something they said when in conversation with them? When it comes to dating, I believe that every person that is single could find themselves in a loving, romantic, passionate relationship if they really made a conscious effort to give more people they date a real chance.

I challenge you to meet someone that you believe you are truly compatible with, without looking at their photo. I challenge you to walk up to someone at a bar that you would normally not give the time of day to, and spend some time getting to know them. I challenge you to be real and authentic about whom you are and I challenge you to have a true sense of authenticity when asking someone about who they are and what they are interested in.

Men, I refuse to accept that chivalry is dead. Take extra time and energy to explore the women you are meeting for the purposes of finding out what they are truly about, what makes them tick. Take the time to listen to what women’s needs are and stop trying to impress them. Don’t have intimate relations with a woman unless your intentions to pursue a relationship with them are genuine, true and pure. Women will respond to you if you stop looking to see what you can get out of them, and start approaching them from the standpoint of what you can give them. This means that you should be respectful to women and their needs and not just try use women to fulfill your own needs. Most women want a giving, sensitive man that is confident, yet not overbearing, so do your best to balance trying to impress a woman with being yourself on a date.

Women, I understand you have worked hard to become who you are in today’s day and age, however, you should know that femininity is the ultimate fragrance that men are attracted to, not the latest perfume that claims to drive men wild. It has become increasingly more difficult for women to figure out what their roles are when it comes to dating. Just because some women have to work twice as hard to get ahead in the business world, does not mean that this effort should not carry on in the world of dating. Leave your work at the office and try to chime into your inner beauty. Never go straight from work to a dinner date or a night out. My suggestion is that every woman should take the time to unwind after their workday before they go on a date. Take a nice long bath, listen to something relaxing and romantic and take the time to make sure you look as feminine as possible.

Always remember to keep the focus on what makes you, you and do your best to get to know the person you are dating. Take two or three dates to really get to know someone and don’t allow yourself to manifest what you don’t like about them to be the reason why you stop dating. You owe it to yourself to really get to know someone before you count them out, but this also means that you owe it to yourself to allow who you’re dating to really get to know you too.

Do Not Fall For This Online Dating Scam

As you are searching for the perfect online dating site, please do not fall prey to a very common scam.

“Substandard’ online dating sites, will do whatever they can to get your membership.

1. You’ve done your homework. You’ve reviewed all of the sites that caught your attention.

2. You decided to accept their free trial offer.

3. You put up an attractive photo, and a well thought out profile.

Within 15 minutes you hear the familiar or unfamiliar chime of new mail. It is from a doctor and his profile fits your ideal mate to a “T”! They are new to your area, looking for an available person to spend time with. They think you are a dream come true!…(sigh…)

You are so excited, you can hardly stand it! Taking your time, you make sure to put your best foot forward. Your email is cute, insightful, intelligent, a little humorous…(enter)

(You don’t know it yet, but you are about to fall for an online dating scam!)

Within seconds, you receive an email from their subscription department. They inform you, with your Free Trial membership, you can send and receive emails but cannot respond to the emails! However… for the next 20 minutes you can join for 50% off of the Silver…Gold…and Platinum membership. You would hate to let a little money stand between you and the answer to your prayers!

4. You take out your credit card…(exactly what they were hoping for!)

You immediately sign up for the Silver membership. (Why get the Gold or Platinum one…you only need to reach that one special person and you think you already know who that is!)

You send the perfect response. Guess what…? No reply…you try again the next day, again on the third day. On the fourth day (Too late to get your refund. This particular site has a 72 hour, no questions asked refund policy!) you discover this member…is no longer a member.

A coincidence? I doubt it. If during your free trial, you receive an email from what appears to be a dream come true? It’s usually a scam. Trust your common sense and mature judgment.

Five Tips For The First Date

It’s difficult to make an authentic connection with a stranger unless you have a natural chemistry, but if it feels right for both of you, sparks can fly. Conversely, although it’s sometimes love at first sight, a gradually developing integration of sizzling banter and sparkling repartee might also win the day. For some, online dating websites are a tempting avenue packed with potential possibilities.

If you do try them, make sure that the dating service you employ gives you like-minded matches. Look for a site that matches all of your kooky personality quirks. If you decide on using something that only capitalizes on your all-day adoration for Hello Kitty, then you could paint yourself into a corner. Instead, share all of your interests in your online profile. Don’t have any misgivings. Be utterly misgivingless.

Oh, and do not misrepresent yourself online. If you state that you’re five years younger than you really are, or you purposefully use out-of-date photos from your “thinner era”, then you’re lying about yourself. No one wants to be on the receiving end of fraudulent trickery, or catfished by improper untruthiness. The same goes for your prospective date. If they pretend that they’ve got an awesome job or a crazy, celebrity-filed lifestyle and that’s really not the case, then you’re going to feel pretty cheated by their deceit. When creating your profile, be sincere, and trade in nothing but honesty. Tell it like it really is.

If you’ve tried a spot of online dating and are meeting up with a suitor for your first date, you might like to keep in mind these four instructional tips on first date etiquette.

Tip 1:

On a first date, choose a neat balance of seriousness and fun. Don’t be too humorless but, equally, don’t come across exclusively interested in lightweight, throwaway subjects. It’s important to keep conversation positive and enjoyable. An upbeat natter about your personal passions will ALWAYS be preferable to The Big Three Taboos, e.g. religion, politics and past relationships (the latter is the biggest no-no, because it signals to your date that you’ve not got over the previous partner).

Tip 2:

Don’t be afraid to start up a meaningful conversation. If you’ve met on a serious dating website, the chances are that the pair of you are looking for something real. Compelling questions about your career, the most important things in your life or plans for the future, are a necessary part of getting to know someone better. Let the chatting flow naturally, and don’t forget to listen. Busying yourself by continually thinking of the next conversation topic makes you seem either rude, easily distracted, or scarcely interested in what they have to say. If possible, keep the talking/listening ratio to a symmetrical 50/50 split if possible.

Tip 3:

General modern etiquette proclaims that whoever proposes the date will pay, but this should probably be talked about beforehand, so as to cease any potential faux pas blunderings. Men traditionally pay for dinner, but won’t mind if the girl wants to pay for the second meet-up: If you make him feel at ease on the first date, he’ll be open to letting you pay the next time.

Tip 4:

Act confident and self-assured, and display positive and encouraging body language. Make eye contact, smile, and lean in when talking. If there’s an attraction and you want to meet up again, don’t be shy and play hard to get. Playing pretend-uninterested is genuinely tiresome, so go ahead and ask for a second date. Something bold but controlled like “I had a really nice time with you tonight, and I’d like to see you again” is entirely appropriate. If you get rejected, take it like an adult and move on; there’s no use dwelling, it just wasn’t meant to be.

Tip 5:

DO NOT get drunk. Most people know that drinking too much can lead to awkward displays of idiocy. An anxious or worried mind can become a weak mush, and a few alcoholic beverages can appear to be a good idea at the time. However, getting wasted is an impractical quick-fix that might combat the nervous nerves, but you won’t emerge funnier or more charismatic; you’ll appear insecure and boorish. Don’t hide behind a flurry of hastily-ordered glasses of wine or a few beers that encourage such mortifyingly humiliating behavior. Avoiding that will avoid that.

Hopefully some of these words of wisdom might help some readers!